Theirs
by Reewth Gonzalez
Summary: Even Hamilton and Lauren's secret affair behind closed doors have wish they'll never acquire.
1. chapter 1

Theirs-- part one.

Hamilton never dreamt of this before,he wondered if it was fair? Was it? Was it fair to have something with someone so precious without any hardship? Without thought? Without dreaming of its possibility? Was it fair when there we're so many out there who dreamed of such treasure?

One day it just happened, the kiss that followed was the happy, and their present-- Hamilton naked on their shared bed(except for some short) his arms wrapped around his best friend, his comrade, his partner, his -dare say- love, Lauren. Whose head was resting on his bare chest, his curly hair tied in his usual low ponytail-- was the ever after of the story to tell for another time.

"What are you thinking this time?" Lauren's muffled voice vibrated on his bare skin and he let out a soft chuckle.

"...if you...have a son, what would you name him?" Alexander didn't know where that question came from. It just came out. (Hue)

Lauren stirred and balance himself on his elbow by Hamilton's side and gave his lover a confuse look. He sigh and looked at Alexander's mesmerizing eyes.

"Phillip. I'd name him Phillip. And he'd have your gorgeous eyes." Lauren grasp both of Alexander's cheeks, staring intently to his eyes with a gentle smile.

Alex felt the air knock out of his lungs. Every time John gave him those smiles--any kind of smile actually-- he would always feel his time slowing down. Alex closed his eyes and leaned onto John's carress. His own hands overlapping John's.

God they were so gay for each other. He could hear Burr's groan in the back of his mind. "He'll have you hair." Alex state his fingers curling around John's curls.

John frowned, "He'll have your mind." Then he murmured quickly, "I don't know if that's good or bad."

Alex laughed and pulled John closer, their foreheads touching. " He'll have your heart. Kind and Inspiring."

Lauren wanted to throw a snark comment, 'you better not be thinking of your wife on me.' But he knew. He knew of Alexander. He was proud of it, for he knew Alexander better than anyone else. He knew Alexander loved his admiration, loyalty, faithfulness, kindness, softness. The way his eyes sparkle when Alexander speak his mind and beliefs. The way his smile was something Alexander wanted to treasure. Alexander thought all of this, and John knew. And for that he loved him more.

"He'd be a Poet." Lauren murmured.

"He'll blow everyone away." Lauren laughed at the wrong interpretation of Alex's statement. He threw his head back laughing. Alexander followed shortly after. Jesus Christ they were such dorks.

"The kid would be perfection." Alexander grinned. John's eye's gleam drained. Alex stopped and worriedly look at his lover. Lauren moves and hover. Alex placed his hands on Lauren's waist, and stared at his lover on top of him.

John drew closer, and Alex leaned eagerly.

"Except for one." John's breath was deep, Alex could feel his hot breath on top of his nose.

Their lips almost touching John whispered in pain. "He wouldn't be ours to call our son." Before Hamilton could reply, John smashed their lips together. He felt John's hands curl behind him, grasping and softly tugging his hair. Alexander sigh into the kiss and pulled Lauren closer.

It was those moments--that happened frequently-- John would remind both of them of their reality--the life outside their happily ever after fantasy-- Hamilton was married to Eliza Schuyler, and he...was a man and so was Alex. Times like this, he could only hope time would slow down, he really did hope, as he convince Lauren he loves him.

It was theirs. Their story. And this time, Alex wasn't writing this alone, he had John to write their story together...in their own time and pace.


	2. Chapter 2

The first time he opened his eyes, Alex felt tears running down his face. His son, his son had lauren's eyes.

The first time Eliza heard the name "Phillip" came out of Alexander's mouth as he held their son with teary eyes, she knew it was perfect.

"Phillip. It's perfect." She smiled. Alex had turned his head to he and gave a painful smile--why? she did not know-- "It's more than perfect." He chuckled, already facing his son.

John...

The first time John knew of the baby's name he cried clutching the letter by his hands.

"My dearest love, John.

He has my eyes, and he bares the name we gave--"

The first time a letter came from South Carolina that wasn't from his dear John, he felt time stop. Foreboding flooding his whole body with cold water.

God no.

He heard Phillip's soft cry from the other room. Eliza's words echoed through his mind. Dead... His love...dead.

He turned to his side, John.

No. John wasn't here. Nor will he ever be. Reality came crushing down and time begun to move once more. He heard his wife's worried voice ask out his name but he paid no heed and turn his heels.

"I have so many things to do."

Work. Work would distract him for a little while. Boy was he wrong. Work. Work, for the future John wouldn't see.

He had so much to do.

The first time Phillip grew bigger than a babe he couldn't take the pain. He had John's curly hair. And bright smile. He turn his back and and continued to write.

The first time Alexander noticed he held back the urge to scream. Phillip had freckles lightly kiss his cheeks. How? Why? Did God hate him so much? He remembered how he used to kiss John's freckles one by one. Will memories never stop haunting him?

The first time Eliza convinced him to stop work and listen to his son. He honestly thought he couldn't hold back the tears. Phillip would be a Poet. And Phillip...was everything they wanted.

"My name is Phillip." His son's nervous voice wavered.

Just like Lauren at times.

"...and I'm a poet." Hamilton smiled. He could just imagine his son sitting on John's lap , saying this poem. And John would do background noises, either repetition of some phrases or some encouraging provocative noises.

Eliza smiled. She finally made him smile.

The first time Hamilton notices his son's wavering voice finally dripping with confidence yet still filled with warmth, a mixture of Lauren's and his. He knew. He closed his eyes, forcing tears back. He knew. John wasn't forever gone. John would always be there--here.

In some funny way, Hamilton knew John watched over 'their' Phillip, even in death. Since Phillip was still a kid wouldn't it be natural for him to feel, or even see, ghost? Hamilton inwardly chuckle at the thought.

Hamilton knew John may be gone--his works gone, but in a way Phillip was still there, carrying some of John.

He opened his mouth and ohhhed at his son's poem. He laughed and smiled.

It was the first time ever since John's death, that his lover's death didn't haunt him. It was the first time he accepted it and carried on. It was the first time he could think of John again -- his smiles, laughs, eyes, every curve, every touch , ever single detail-- without grieving like it was the end of the world.

And it wouldn't be the last.


End file.
